Holiday Season is all about being with family right?

It's been a while. Not too much has happened to me personally but we have had a few Holidays pass. Thanksgiving was good. I hadn't spent it with my relatives in a long time. But my cousins wanted a family gathering so we all went to my grandmas house. It was good, so I thought. My grandma did make it awkward at least once that day. But we got passed it and the night went on. I was hoping my parents enjoyed themselves enough we could do it again. In the past my parents did most of the work and got burnt out. So it sort of pushed them away from family gatherings on holidays. Or family gatherings in general really. It never really bothered my siblings and I because we were already older when they stopped. And it was nice having just our family and our significant others spending a nice calm evening together, no stress. And my parents were able to enjoy the Holidays. As I have gotten older and living a more adult life. I started realizing just how much time we have lost with the rest of our family. So I was excited for our Thanksgiving plans. I had hoped it would change my parents opinion on family gatherings. Especially because everyone worked together. All my dad had to do was cook the turkey. But unfortunately when I talked to them about it later they remained the same. They said they did it this time for the cousins but they probably wont next year. But we are welcome to decided what we will do. It made me think, that is true. I used to think well I can't go see these relatives unless the whole family goes because thats how it was when we were kids. But now. I am 24 and I am married and my husband and I can go see them whenever we want. We can also stop by and visit on holidays or birthdays and special occasions if we want. It just hadn't occurred to me all this time hahaha I just miss the family togetherness. My husbands family has managed to keep that strong. So it's always nice to go visit them on holidays. But it's also a reminder of what our family has let go of because of some bitterness and lack of energy. My parents do work very hard to provide for three adults that should be able to provide for themselves by now. But times are tough. Plus they have to support and provide for each other. And im sure they have made a lot of sacrifices. I know they've made sacrifices. So I understand where they are coming from. They are tired. I think things will change when some of us have kids. Because then the cycle starts all over again. There will be new little ones and they will need to know aunts and uncles and grand parents and greats. Things will change eventually. Lets hope the economy changes soon so we can get off unemployment and start a family. I know it will get complicated too. It's already more complicated now that im married. Because now I have to split my time with my family so Allen gets to have a fair amount of time with his. It's easier right now because I can see mine whenever I want. I still live with them. But his are all over. And he doesnt get to see them often because it takes gas and we need money for gas but then we dont make much money....yada yada. So we cant go out to see them everyday. It's hard especially because each person of course would want to spend the whole holiday with their own family. But we also dont want to spend it away from each other. So we manage time. Most of the time I spend most the day with my family then we head off to his in the evening. It's all a learning process and a part of life. My mom reminds me time and time again that her and my dad knew this day would come. And are not hurt when we have to leave. We are adults and have to make these choices. And they understand because they had to do the very same when they got married and had kids. This Christmas and Christmas Eve were kind of bitter sweet. Things didnt go as planned. What usually happens is Allen and I go to his parents house on Christmas Eve and Allen stays the night while I go home so we can wake up with our families. Then he opens presents in the morning with his fam heads to my house we all open gifts here and there you go. Well this year things got changed. My siblings made other plans. First off we had to do secret santa sense no one could really afford to buy gifts for everyone this year. Once we decided on a price limit we also decided to do a white elephant swap and an ornament swap. so we had those plans set. I figured we would have a fun Christmas day. But then Turns out my sister was going to Modesto to visit her friends family on Christmas so she was coming Christmas Eve. Im not gonna lie it did put a damper on our plans. But then I thought alright fine we will do the swaps and then go to Allens folks place. But no her and her friend wanted us to do our secret santa then too. I said no several times because then what did we have for Christmas Morning? Nothing? She is the one who chose to not spend it with us. But I eventually caved because I have this need for everyone to be happy. Uhg I regret it now because it made us later than we already were to Allens place. It was bitter sweet because we did have a good time but all night I kept thinking oh yeah but we will have nothing to do tomorrow :( So it was getting late and I could tell Allen was getting upset because he was getting text from family members wondering if he was going to come any more and he hates making them wait on us for dinner. I do sympathize but he is still having to learn like I have many times when I sacrifice my plans that things don't always go as we want them to. But it usually works out ok in the end. Especially with my family we are never on time :0/ but we always seem to still make it. And plans just work out. The problem is they are all so busy that I ask a month in advance what are we doing on this holiday? Then my parents say oh probably nothing we are too tired. Then like the day before after we already made plans with Allen's family that's when my family decide they are doing something after all. So then our plans change. And it is a big mess. So of the events on Christmas Eve our schedule was messed up. My sister and her friend got to our house like 3 hours late, we did our swaps then they guilted me into doing the secret santa. So that took even more time. I think the last straw was right when we were about to leave Allen tells me that Chase our wonderful mutt has eatin a special Sugar Free treat I had worked hard making for Allen's dad. I spent all day baking. I baked this treat regular ones for everyone else but I wanted to make Allen's dad something he could enjoy. Because he is diabetic he cant have much delicious treats. I feel bad when we are all sitting around eating cake or candy and he has the same sugar free treats. Which I know he loves but I figured he would enjoy something different. And Chase just happened to eat about two dozen sugar free pumpkin empanadas. I was livid. I could have punch that dog in the face. I think I even said something about getting rid of him. I was so angry I just wanted to cry. Everyone felt so bad. They had all seen how hard I worked. They offered to help me make more but we had to go. I just remember texting my mom on the way and telling her about how I felt. She knew and apologized. It wasn't her fault and I let her know. I was just so upset and felt like I had nothing to look forward to on Christmas morning now. But the rest of the night and the following morning proved me wrong. I had to process everything. I asked myself why am I convincing my mind to think I got cheated out of Christmas with family? So it was Christmas Eve not Christmas day? We still did the same thing we would have done. Plus I never even considered what Allen's family had for me. Mainly because i'm never there on Christmas morning. I actually ended up spending the night at his parents this year. Now that we are married they allowed it. I did because once we left my house my sister and her friend left shortly after, my brother went to his girlfriends and my other sister I think had plans as well. And it was fun :) we stayed up late and slept on the couches. Woke up in the morning and opened gifts. I never expect anything from them but they are always nice and get me presents. Thoughtful ones at that. Then I was able to come home and Allen and I swapped the gifts we had for each other. Which were awesome!!!! I love him so much :D hahahah So I was proven wrong. I did have something to look forward to. And now I have even more family to spend the holidays with. I'm more blessed than I realized. If I hadn't been so stuck in my own mindset I could have seen it would have been fine. Plus later we all got to hang out anyways because everyone except the sister in Modesto came home. But it's like my mom said next year we will just need to plan things better.